Do You Trust Me?

Anytime we think the problem is “out there,” that thought is the problem.

We empower what’s out there to control us. The change we feel that needs to occur is “outside in” - what’s out there has to change before we can change.

The proactive approach is to change from the inside out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what’s out there - I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.

It is so much easier to blame other people, conditioning, or our current circumstances for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible - “response - able” to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on who we are.

By saying “I’m not responsible” I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative situation. I also diminish my ability to influence others. If I really want to improve I can work on the one things over which I have control - myself. I can work on improving my own weaknesses.

Can you take the heat?

It is in the ordinary events of every day life that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressures of life. It’s how we view our problems and where we focus our energies. It’s the language we use. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it - immediately.

We are responsible for our own effectiveness, for our own happiness, and ultimately, I would say, for most of our circumstances. As humans, our tendency is to play the victim.

And unless you’re watchful, it will sneak up on you and you’ll start blaming outside forces - parents, spouses, bosses, the weather, the government, circumstances - for your problems. In reality, we are not victims.

We are the creative forces of our lives, and we are free to choose.

Learn to become proactive instead of reactive.

Reactive people make choices based on impulse. They’re like a can of soda - when life shakes them up, the pressure builds, and they suddenly explode. Proactive people make choices based on values. They think before they act. They recognize they cannot control everything that happens to them, but they can control what they do about it. Unlike reactive people who are full of carbonation, proactive people are like water. Shake them up all you want - they stay calm, cool, and in control.

Recognize that the majority of people live out the scripts handed to them by family, associates, other people’s agendas, or the pressures of circumstance. These scripts come from people, not principles. And they rise out of our deep vulnerabilities, our deep dependency on others and our needs for acceptance and love, for belonging, for a sense of importance and worth, for a feeling that we matter.

Lead your life and determine for yourself whether your ladder is leaning against the right wall. You are more in need of a vision or destination (a set of principles and directions) and less in need of a step by step road map.

Visualize the uncreated world of potential that lies within you.

Often times we don’t even see our vision or values because we get caught up in the thick of thin things. What matters most gets buried under layers of pressing problems, immediate concerns, and outward behaviors. I become reactive. And the way I interact with people I love every day often bears little resemblance to the way I deeply feel about them.

The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about, and what you value.

When you create a value based personal set of standards for yourself, you can flow with changes. You don’t need to always have all the answers and to stereotype and categorize everything and everybody in order to accommodate reality so you feel certain.

Principles are deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators. They are tightly interwoven threads running with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength through the fabric of life.

Think of a compass, but instead of pointing North, East, South, West it points to Security, Guidance, Wisdom, and Power.

• Security: represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.

• Guidance: Means your source of direction in life. Encompassed by your map, your internal frame of reference that interprets for you what is happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment to moment decision making and doing.

• Wisdom: Is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgement, discernment, comprehension.

• Power: is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.

  

  They create the great force of noble personality and balanced character, a beautifully integrated individual.

When these four factors are present together, harmonized and enlivened by each other, they create the great force of noble personality and balanced character, a beautifully integrated individual.