The Dark Art of Influence

Have You Ever Wondered Why You Keep Failing at Communication, Observation, or Self-Management?

Imagine this: I hand a flawless, word-for-word script to someone who struggles with confidence and tell them to step into a room full of eager investors. Every line is rehearsed, every response anticipated—but how well do you think they’d actually do in securing a deal or getting buy-in?

This is the difference between earning an MBA, expecting to dominate the workforce, and skipping the classroom to dive straight into sales—where you’re thrown into the fire, forced to learn human behavior in real-time. Theoretical knowledge is one thing; mastering the art of influence is another.

And at the core of that mastery? Three fundamental skills that determine success in any interaction: communication, observation, and self-management. Master these, and the game changes forever. Neglect them, and you'll keep wondering why things don’t go your way.

The Art of Influence: Why Your Communication Falls Flat

Every time you open your mouth, you’re persuading. Whether you’re recommending a new restaurant, negotiating a raise, or convincing someone to see things your way—you are in the business of influence. And yet, failure to communicate effectively is one of the biggest reasons we don’t get what we want.

Why? Because most people communicate to express, not to persuade. They talk at people instead of with them. And when that happens, the message gets lost.

Even more importantly, most people approach every interaction from their own perspective, focusing on what they want to say rather than considering the needs, fears, and motivations of the other person. Instead of analyzing the other individual’s needs map—what they value, how they perceive the world, and what emotional triggers drive their decisions—they default to self-interest. This is why communication often fails: because people are more concerned with expressing their thoughts than truly understanding the mindset of the person they’re speaking to.

The world gives you clues—are you paying attention?

Think back to a time when you ignored a red flag—whether it was in business, relationships, or everyday life. You had the information; you just didn’t see it. That’s because observation isn’t just about looking—it’s about reading between the lines.

Great observers can sense shifts in mood, pick up on unspoken tensions, and decode hidden agendas. They understand that what’s not said often matters more than what is.

The world gives you clues—are you paying attention?

Most people assume they’re in control of their actions, but in reality, the subconscious mind dictates most of their behavior. And the subconscious doesn’t just control what they do—it leaks out in what’s not said.

It’s in the way someone shifts their body, the hesitation in their voice, the metaphors they use when describing a situation. Every pause, every micro-expression, every unconscious word choice offers a glimpse into their deeper thoughts and emotions. Yet, most people are too busy focusing on what they want to say instead of truly observing the other person.

Mastering observation isn’t just about listening—it’s about decoding the subconscious cues that reveal what someone really thinks and feels.

The Silent Saboteur: How Poor Self-Management Sets You Up for Failure

You could be the most charismatic, intelligent person in the room, but if your self-management is weak, you’ll still lose. Why? Because people pick up on more than your words—they read your body language, your habits, and the energy you bring into a room.

A shaky voice, poor posture, or uncalibrated social skills can silently kill your credibility before you even get a chance to prove yourself. Worse yet, sometimes, people have already decided not to take you seriously before you even say a word.

The F.A.T.E. Model: A Framework for Reading People

Want to become a master of human interaction? Use the F.A.T.E. Model to decode people in real-time:

Focus

• What has been this person’s focus in the conversation?

• Have they spent more time talking about one subject than another?

• Have they redirected the conversation back to a recurring theme or topic?

• Where is this person on the needs map?

• What are they most likely seeking in life and at work?

Authority

• From where does this person derive a sense of personal authority?

• Is there a source of authority this person is defaulting to referencing?

• Is there an authority figure they will defer to in order to make a decision (think in terms of both conscious/unconscious deference to authority)?

• Does this person offer advice borrowed from another person?

Tribe

• Does their behavior indicate they seek acceptance on their needs map?

• Do they reference groups (team pronoun) or I pronouns?

Emotion

• Does this person exhibit behavioral patterns tied to a certain need?

Each of these elements reveals a hidden layer of their decision-making process, allowing you to anticipate their actions before they even make them.

… I’ll end this post with some neuroscience.

Hacking Your Brain – The Dopamine Trap vs. The Serotonin Shortcut

Your brain is an addict. No, really—every single day, it’s chasing a chemical high. But the drug of choice isn’t what you think. It’s not caffeine, alcohol, or even sugar—it’s dopamine.

Every scroll, every notification, every indulgence is a hit, a quick fix that keeps us coming back for more. But here’s the catch: dopamine isn’t designed to make you happy. It’s designed to make you chase.

The real chemical you’re looking for? Serotonin. And if you don’t learn how to hack your brain’s chemistry, you’ll stay trapped in the loop—forever craving, never satisfied.

Here’s how it works:

• Dopamine = Feels Good (But Fades Fast)

• Dopamine is the chemical of anticipation and reward, not fulfillment.

• It spikes when you get a “hit”—a like on social media, a drink, a win, a new match on a dating app.

• But the high is temporary. It disappears fast, leaving you wanting more.

• Serotonin = The Key to Happiness & Connection

• Serotonin is linked to long-term happiness, connection, and contentment.

• It’s what makes you feel loved, valued, and secure in relationships.

• It stabilizes your mood rather than giving you short bursts of pleasure.

And this is why…

You can walk into a bar, excited by the energy, hopeful that you’ll connect with people—maybe even meet someone special. The dopamine hit keeps you drinking, laughing, and engaging. But by the end of the night, when the buzz fades, you might feel empty, despite being surrounded by people having a “good time.”

Why? Because dopamine tricked you into chasing pleasure, but serotonin never arrived to give you true connection.

If you want to break free from the cycle and hack your brain, you have to learn how to balance these chemicals—or risk forever chasing, never arriving.

‘Till next time…