Take Control. I Beg of You.

Invest in Your Strengths

Compassionately work on your weaknesses and understand yourself and your potential in a whole new way. If you want to become more confident in your ability to live life well, you need a deep kind of self-awareness.

Empowered

What does it mean to be empowered? It is gaining more control over your body and finding a new understanding of yourself and the world where you feel increasingly more competent and confident as a result—to control your own life.

Personal weaknesses can be difficult to accept, but when you realize which patterns in your personality are holding you back, you know what you need to change in order to grow. Nothing is more empowering than taking ownership of your whole self, along with all your beauty and flaws. Use your strengths with confidence while still addressing your weaknesses to move toward maturity and growth.

Acceptance in Who You Are and Freedom to Become Much More

You might have unique obstacles to growth that play a crucial part in the pain, suffering, and frustration you have experienced so far. These obstacles are patterns in thinking, feeling, or behaving that you probably developed initially as a way of coping but are no longer needed and are most likely getting in your way. Knowing about your unique personal obstacles to growth is crucial—you must learn how you are getting in your own way if you want to get out of your own way and expand into the most confident and capable version of yourself.

You are unique and nuanced—don’t lock yourself into your personality as it is now. Nobody is meant to stay just as they are. We are all meant to learn, grow, and improve.

Focus on your own growth and empowerment. You can change yourself, but you can’t change other people. Honor the differences between you and others, find the commonalities you share, and learn to navigate relationships well. Not everyone experiences the world the same way you do. Once you realize that other people are all wearing different types of eyeglasses than you are wearing, relationship dynamics start to make a lot more sense. You start to understand why other people act and react the way they do and why it is so different from how you might act and react.

Arguments

Arguments often arise from a clash of priorities and needs. But if everyone’s needs are acknowledged, then you can de-escalate the conflict and begin to negotiate with the goal of everyone’s needs being met. So when you feel angry, pause to ask yourself: What need do I have that’s not being met here? And what need might they have that is not being met here? A tantrum can often be avoided by making sure their needs are met and their emotions are being acknowledged. We need rest, we need food, we need comfort, we need connection. Resolution often begins with verbally recognizing needs and then finding ways together to meet those needs.

What Happens if Your Needs Aren't Being Met

Do you move towards others to get your needs met and seek approval or security? Or do you turn inward and feel a sense of inadequacy? Do you move against others and bulldoze through them so they understand your unmet needs?

What Can You Control

You have a lot of power in your relationships. However, all of it has to do with how you choose to conduct yourself because this is what lies within your realm of power. You can choose what to do with the feelings you experience. You can choose how to treat others. You can choose how to live your life.

However, you cannot control other people. This is not in your power. You cannot make their choices for them, and you cannot change their thoughts, feelings, or behavior. This is why it’s so important to recognize boundaries. We cause ourselves and each other a lot of pain and frustration when we try to change or control what we don’t have (and shouldn’t have) the power to change or control.

In relationships, you cannot change or control how someone else will feel or what they will choose to do. This is not in your power. You can only choose how you behave toward one another. So it’s important to take ownership of and responsibility for what is YOURS. And it’s just as important to NOT take ownership of or responsibility for what is NOT YOURS.

The Compliant Stance

The compliant stance refers to types that turn toward other people in search of approval or affirmation. These types have a strong sense of obligation to meet the needs or expectations of others. They often feel deeply committed to doing the “right thing” in relationships, engaging in “loving acts,” or being a “team player,” which blurs the boundaries between themselves and others. Consequently, they frequently experience exhaustion or feeling taken for granted in relationships, yet struggle to articulate why. Due to their difficulty in acknowledging their own needs, they may resort to passive-aggressive behavior as a means to fulfill those needs.

The Withdrawn Stance

The withdrawn stance describes types that tend to keep to themselves more than others and often feel overwhelmed by the external world. Rather than seeking fulfillment from external sources or other individuals for their fundamental needs, they turn inward and retreat from social interactions. They withdraw due to a sense of lacking something in the external environment. These types deeply value their boundaries, desiring ample personal space and the freedom to make their own choices. However, they encounter challenges in expressing and asserting their boundaries, leading to feelings of boundary infringement or disrespect.

The Assertive Stance

The assertive stance pertains to types with an independent style of interaction. They progress directly toward their pursuits, sometimes involving moving against others. They actively pursue their goals and desired achievements, unafraid of overcoming obstacles or swimming upstream. However, their energy and directness may come across as pushy or aggressive to others. These types have no trouble requesting things or taking charge, often leading to overstepping others’ boundaries. They frequently push themselves too hard, engage in excessive activity, or operate at high speeds until they inevitably burn out.

Practice mindfulness to recognize the stance you typically adopt and strive to acknowledge the differences in how you perceive the world compared to others.