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Pull The Trigger
my shadow side wants to play.
Sofia Alonso Bauer
August 04, 2024
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
Why do you have a shadow side?
Within each of us lies two parts of a whole: the person we want to be and some part of us that conflicts with that ideal version of ourselves.
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
This is in all human individuals - good guy and bad guy. It is this collection of repressed aspects of our identity that Jung referred to as our shadow self.
Loki/Thor
Joker/Batman
However, the problem is that you’re not necessarily aware of those parts of your personality that you reject. According to Jung’s theory, we distance ourselves psychologically from those behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that we find dangerous or self-sabotaging.
we distance ourselves psychologically
“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
Rather than confront something that we don’t like, our mind pretends it does not exist. Aggressive impulses, taboo mental images, shameful experiences, immoral urges, fears, irrational wishes, unacceptable sexual desires—these are a few examples of shadow aspects, things people contain but do not admit to themselves that they contain.
Aggressive impulses, taboo mental images, shameful experiences, immoral urges, fears, irrational wishes, unacceptable sexual desires
Jung described the shadow as “the thing a person has no wish to be.”
Why do you have a shadow side?
Jung described the shadow as “the thing a person has no wish to be.”
From infancy and through childhood and adolescence we pick up from our parents or caregivers both conscious and unconscious messages about what is acceptable in terms of our body, our feelings and our behavior.
All that is unacceptable is suppressed and repressed and becomes part of our shadow.
All that is unacceptable is suppressed and repressed and becomes part of our shadow.
The harsher the attitude, which may have been expressed by withdrawal of love, rejection, physical/emotional/sexual abuse, the more hostile we are to these facets of our shadow.
In terms of human development, once infants can experience, enjoy and live in their bodies… they can then learn, with their caregivers help, how to translate sensations into affects.
Positive and negatives feelings are projected onto us from the opinions of those we cared about growing up, and with the projection goes the capacity to think clearly about situations and relationships as we develop.
This is where a lot of people begin to develop shadow sides (all that is unacceptable and becomes suppressed and repressed). Some examples include bodily disconnection, sexuality, and emotions.
We don’t actually need people to observe our shadow side to suffer for it. We can internalize society’s backlash or the things we’re trying to repress so deeply that we inflict pain on ourselves and internalize shame.
The only way to escape from this perpetual recurring pain is to mask it. We do everything we can to mask perceived flaws and project an image of “perfection” or that “we’re doing great” instead of acknowledging those areas of our shadow.
Projection: seeing our darkness in others.
We do everything we can to mask perceived flaws and project an image of “perfection”
The risk of the shadow is that it projects itself unconsciously, meaning that it can seep into our thoughts and our actions without us knowing.
An easy way to check the nature of our shadow is to look at others and find out the qualities you like the least. These are often qualities you dislike in yourself and push down or avoid—this is called projection and can lead us to have a warped perception of the people around us. What I am disliking in others is actually something with which I struggle within myself.
What I am disliking in others is actually something with which I struggle within myself.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
We hate and fear what we don’t understand, prompting us to pursue violence or anger against people rather than seek peaceful solutions with one another. We project our own worst qualities onto others to justify the hatred or judgement against them.
We hate and fear what we don’t understand
Begin to notice when you react to things, such as a persons tone of voice, or how they look at you. These triggers can set off a number of unconscious responses in your nervous system before you actually react outwardly. Everything that happens to us gets filtered through a system we rely on to sort out how we’re going to respond, often without us realizing it.
Begin to notice when you react to things, such as a persons tone of voice, or how they look at you.
You are constantly being primed…
When things are brighter or closer (rather then dimmer and further away) you react differently in that the experience is that much more powerful, producing a more powerful meaning or anchor in you.
Another example is masculine and feminine energies, with one more dominant than the other. The masculine/feminine voice uses different physiology, patterns of focus, and differing language, triggered by inherently different filters. The masculine wants to conquer and empty, the feminine wants to engage with and fill up. Depending on which voice is more diminantly filtered in any given moment will imapct the meaning of an expereince and produce different actions and results.
Another example is two people’s responses to the same situation: some people lead with emotions, some rely heaving on critical thinking, and others rely more on a hands on direct approach.
Acceptance: Can you love the dark parts of me?
Can you accept that part of who you are is this mass of undesirable impulses and desires?
Acceptance: Can you love the dark parts of me?
We must learn to accept our own darkness if we want to overcome our own neurosis.
Whenever we refuse to accept our feelings and thoughts, however disturbing they might be, we experience psychological dissonance. Dissonance happens when our behavior does not match our self-image, or the image we think others might have of us.
When we project our shadow onto others, we refuse ownership of ourselves, distancing ourselves from ourselves, losing ourselves in the process. (This, according to Jung, is how neurosis finds a way to take over the psyche.)
We cannot change anything unless we accept it.
We cannot change anything unless we accept it.
It is only when you have seen and accepted your own capacity for fear, shame, and judgment that you can truly see the other for what she or he is. Without this acceptance we avoid parts of the other, simply because we are reminded of these in ourselves.
It is only when you have seen and accepted your own capacity for fear, shame, and judgment that you can truly see the other for what she or he is.
And thus, no true connection or integration with our shadow can occur.