The common denominator in every failed relationship is you.

I used to think relationships were about finding someone who fit—a missing piece, a soft place to land. But what I’ve come to realize is that often, we enter into relationships not because we’re ready to build something, but because we’re craving something.

Connection. Safety. Validation. Belonging.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth I had to face: life doesn’t give you what you wish for—it gives you what you believe you deserve.

So I asked myself the question I had been avoiding:

“Sof, what do you believe you deserve?”

Because it turns out, the common denominator in every relationship I’ve ever had… was me. My expectations, my self-worth, my emotional patterns. The way I internalized their words. The way I lost myself in trying to merge with someone else. And if I wanted to grow, I had to stop pointing fingers outward—and start turning inward.

Craving Wholeness

That’s the secret, isn’t it?

We want the feelings they give us instead of the person.

What needs were they meeting?

When were aching for the person what were aching for is not actually them..it’s a craving, not necessarily for the other person, but a desire for hope, novelty, and a sense of oneness.

Connection makes us feel whole.

Separateness makes us feel fragmented.

To feel at one with anything is to feel the deepest love imaginable.

But no one exists to complete us.

There is no singular “one.”

And until we can create a sense of safety, connection, and belonging within ourselves—we will keep chasing that feeling in others. Over and over again.

What Feeling Do I Crave?

Emotional comfort. Physical safety. A sense of control over the chaos inside me. When things go wrong, my emotional “home” tends to be anxiety. And it’s a home I hate being in alone.

So I looked for someone else to help me escape it.

But true healing doesn’t come from escaping—it comes from staying. From sitting with yourself long enough to know what you really need, and learning how to give it to yourself instead of outsourcing it.

That’s self-responsibility. That’s self-leadership.

I am already enough. I do not need external validation.

These days, I’m asking different questions:

• What needs was he meeting that I can now meet for myself?

• How can I create emotional safety in my body, so my mind doesn’t spiral?

• What parts of me still feel unworthy—and how can I offer them grace instead of judgment?

Confidence, motivation, leadership, gratitude, maturity—they all come down to one thing: feeling safe within yourself.

Realize Sof that the person you were always searching for… was never them.

It was you.

Diary 03/23/25 - Dubai