Make Stress Your Bitch

What is Stress?

That tension, strain, and pressure that pinches your nerves and drains your energy, triggering anxiety, worry, and fear?

At its core, stress is fear.

Fear that if things don’t happen a certain way—we’ll lose control, others will hurt us, or we’ll have to experience some irritating inconvenience. Ultimately, it all comes down to the fear that if we don’t achieve, accomplish, or control our world in a certain way—we’re not enough and won’t be loved.

Although you’d think most people would do anything to minimize stress, for many, it’s actually a badge of honor. Painful as it is, many people value stress because they use it to fill a primal need: significance.

Embarrassed or ashamed by fear, few people admit the truth to even themselves. And so, rather than eliminating, minimizing, or conquering stress—most of us wind up just coping and dealing.

But the real secret is learning how to dance with it.

Learn how to free yourself from the world of reactions, from giving external things the upper hand, and begin reclaiming your inner strength so that the little things in life no longer annoy, aggravate, or torture you.

First, understand that stress, at its deepest level, is nothing but fear of loss.

The solution lies in figuring out the mechanics of turning this belief into a practical strategy.

One of the most effective ways to eliminate stress is to stop blaming others or things outside yourself.

We’ve all blamed someone in our lives for things that have happened to us—but when you blame someone else, you make them responsible for what’s going on in your life. Ask yourself: if things had gone the way you wanted them to, would your life really be better?

Would you be the person you are today?

Life is a balance. When you’re in pain, it’s because you’re overvaluing the impact an event had on the negative side of your life and undervaluing its impact on the positive side. The truth is that life doesn’t happen to us—it happens for us. So if you’re going to assign blame, it’s only fair to do so effectively.

If you blame someone, blame them for both the bad and the good that came as a result of the situation.

Ask yourself:

• What is the significant core story of your life?

• What needs (certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, contribution) have you met by holding onto this story?

• How has this story affected your life?

• What’s false or limiting about this story?

Change your story, change your life.

Why is the story you’re telling yourself complete nonsense?

What’s beautiful about your life today—and why?